Insomnia

It's late night insomnia again. Something's bothering me but I just don't quiet know how to explain it, it's relationship wise too. It's not like I don't want to tell him how I feel it's just I'm so lost in my own train of thought. One of the things I hate doing is crying in front of people, so if I were to dig deep within myself and tell him how I feel, I just know the tears will start rolling any second. So I keep everything that he says and does that has made a negative impact on me inside and just wait for it to dissolve and disappear. I guess this habit accumulated overtime due to my lack of social abilities. In the end this bad habit is what's driving us both insane, because when an argument starts up I'll just speak without thinking. Of course I always feel inferior towards people, I pity myself. Confidence is so hard to achieve and that's one of my downfalls, is my lack of confidence. I just know that if one day it all ends on bad terms it'll be me at fault because of my stubbornness. I need to open up and stop bottling up emotions. Sometimes it makes me wonder what people are really after. I know that he tries to "unintentionally" hurt me all the time and bring down my pride, it's not just a feeling, like I said I know, but even so he'll deny it or do it unknowingly. I can let go of things and not talk about it for years and years but once that memory surfaces again I know I'll have another emotional break down. Anyways I'm writing this because I miss my boyfriend whom is asleep and I know I'll miss him more when he goes back to college.

Anyways I want to explain myself since I've been posting up photos like crazy lately. Yes this bad habit is eating me away that's why photography is my best friend, because I can speak without words and it'll still have a bigger impact, plus the photo can probably say what I can't say on my own will.

The Muse

So I went to Wal-mart on this wonderful tax free weekend sale and saw this "manikin" Pretty awesome I might add. Anyways I plan on getting one or two more of this thing. For now I'm going to call him "Natsume" from one of my favorite animes ever!!!!